I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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