Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
