guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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