"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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