it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
