I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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