I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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