Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
