Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Randomize
