I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
