Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
