SEEEEXXX PLEASE
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
