But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
