Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
