But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
