My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
