I need help removing her.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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