the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
You took a bar mat shot.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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