Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
