i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
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