so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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