guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I need water and some morals
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
