Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
