i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
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