ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
