Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
