Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
