I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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