you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
