3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
