in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize