Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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