i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
