You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
50% drunk capacity currently
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning