If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.