i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
