Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
