I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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