return my video game
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
