is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he fucked my hip out of place.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
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