I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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