but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
