Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
