and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
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