I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
