i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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