I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
