i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
