Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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