Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Church boner. Awkwardddd
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!