i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
