she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Dicks are not precious.
Randomize
