You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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