They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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