THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
birth control should be required to get into college
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Randomize
