if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
