erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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