no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize