I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
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