Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
