I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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