Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
