He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize