It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
