on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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