my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
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The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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