Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
okay pat passed out under dana's car
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I got inside last night via doggy door
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
