idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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