Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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