the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Randomize
