haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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