so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
