I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
