So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
it's great music for shaving your balls
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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