Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Randomize
