They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
the liver wants what the liver wants
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
