First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
