i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I wish I only lived at night.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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