what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
