You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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