I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
