i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
