The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
This is the high leading the old right now
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
