I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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