the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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