I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
