omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
