I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
